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Advice needed about friendships

Oct. 24th, 2010 | 03:36 am
mood: exhaustedexhausted
music: Linkin Park- Numb
posted by: still_here_x in advice_source

Hey. I'm Lizzie, I'm female, 22 years old from Wales. I'm not sure if this advice forum is checked often, but I really need some advice and it can't hurt to post it here.

Well, ever since I started at high school I was labelled a 'loner' and I found that I just didn't fit in with any groups of friends. Some people bullied me about it, while others let me join them, but I was kept in the 'back ground.' They didn't mind me being there, but they didn't include me much in their conversations. They'd only talk to me if for some reason one of their 'preferred' friends weren't around. On the rare occasion I'd make a friend, we'd be close for a while, then they'd find someone better. This pattern continued all through high school and college.

When I was 19 I was hospitalised for over two years because my self harm was becoming continuously life threatening. I was released June 11th, 4 months ago. Since then, I've found a few activities to attend to keep me busy and help me re-adjust to life back in society. I'm attending a theatre group, a support group for self harmers, an art therapy group and a first aid course. You can probably guess what has happened...I feel that I'm not fitting in with the people in these groups at all. Somehow, I think it's all my fault that I can't seem to make friends. Well it is really.

Should I just stop attending all these groups? They're starting to make me really miserable. I want to give up on these relationships and accept the fact that I'll never make any friends, but I'm worried my parents will tell my doctor and they'll try and lock me back up in hospital again. I still live with my parents so they'll want to know why I don't want to go to my group activities anymore. I'll also be stuck at home with nothing to do if I give up these groups and I'm thinking maybe I'll just get bored and depressed? I really don't know what to do, please, please try to offer some suggestions. I would appreciate any sort of opinion so much! Thank you.

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I don't know where I'm going

Nov. 16th, 2010 | 04:22 am
mood: confusedconfused
posted by: euphonious_13 in advice_source

I'm a 20 year old female university student. I go to Penn State where I'm in my third year majoring in finance, but for this year I am studying abroad in the UK. I'm set to graduate a semester early, so in December 2011 (a month after my 21st birthday).

Just recently, I had my 20th birthday here in the UK with the friends I've made here and my boyfriend (who's nearly 24) that I started dating when he was studying abroad from the UK at Penn State last year. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of just being lost and having no idea what to do with my life. I graduate uni with a degree I don't enjoy in just over a year with over $100K in debt from student loans.

I've always wanted to move to the UK, well, "always" meaning since I was 16 and that hasn't changed. But I don't know how. The visas are complicated and stressful and I don't even know if I qualify for one and I don't understand how I don't, but I don't know. Will I have to go to grad school over here in order to stay? I can't afford much more debt. Actually, I can't even afford the debt I already have. But I have to stay here. For me. 

Then there's the issue of work and surviving while paying off these debts. I have a degree that could make me a lot of money if I liked it. I was so young when I declared my major, 17 in fact, and I didn't know what I was doing. I saw money and thought that it made sense. Now, though, I realize I can't condemn myself to working in a stock market-ish field. I've learned about myself. I've learned of my passion for films and my desire to be part of the filmmaking process. I want to do that. I need to do that. I don't know how to go about doing that. I can't find anyone to help. I feel alone.

I don't know what my question is, or what advice I'm seeking. I just know that I need some sort of advice about where to go with this life.
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Job Advice

Mar. 12th, 2010 | 12:55 am
mood: worriedworried
posted by: majesticmedusa in advice_source

21/F/AZ

So, here is my dilemma. Here is a preface. I have been working at Wal-mart for over two years now. I hate it. I truly, truly detest it. The people who shop there are anywhere from typical middle class mom, to bottom of the barrel crack addicts who haven't bathed in a week. Most people who shop there are very irate, for one reason or another. They don't have enough people, and they refuse to hire more. They don't even have a person in every department, so they force me and other people from my department to cover it. By the end of the day, I am running to the clock to punch out...and I have to.. lest a customer stop me. I have been putting up with it though, and just doing my best between work and school to try and apply for jobs. Of course, this is all to no avail. I haven't received a call back for an interview since November 2008. Just by luck, I couldn't make interview #2 after passing that one, and they didn't want to try and reschedule with me. Recently, I have run into a problem at work where I've been written up; and it isn't really my fault. This might become a bit long, so be prepared:
About two weeks before the college school semester started, I handed a change of availability to my supervisor. I made sure to ask him that he was the person who I gave this paper to instead of the Assistant manager. He said to me "I am your supervisor, so you give it to me.". Weeks later, I am in school, and being scheduled out of my availability. It is showing on my schedule that I am still available during when I am in class. I inform my supervisor. He says he will take care of it, we will talk about it. Apparently, he wasn't there anymore on the days that I was able to come in, so I never got to talk to him. Later, I talk to his supervisor, and the guy takes care of it for me. That was last week. I checked my schedule when I was last there on Sunday, and it is in fact showing my new availability, but guess what? I am still being scheduled even when it says 'N/A day' on the section for my availability. Also, on Sunday, I was written up. I had 17 absences since September, most of them were due to school. I informed the manager reading the write up/policies to me about this, and defended myself pretty thoroughly (without getting rude). She didn't care, just said that if I screwed up again I would be fired, due to the sheer amount of absences. Wal-mart has a pretty strict attendance policy. On a rolling schedule, at any given time within 6 months, you are absent for more than 6 days, you will be fired (unless you have bereavement or something similarly extreme). According to these folks, "I got lucky". It also turns out that when you turn in availability, it MUST be to be an assistant manager, a policy which I had never been informed of.
Another small problem, is that I happened to be extremely late on the day I was written up, but they didn't know about it. I was almost half an hour late. This was actually kind of my fault, but it was incidental that they scheduled me much, much earlier than they had in months. My body just wasn't accustomed to waking up at 7 in the morning to get to work on time, and I accidentally slept in. So, now I am paranoid that they will find that, and fire me when I come in next. If I don't get fired tomorrow, what is your opinion? Should I quit to avoid being fired, and having a bad rep? From my experience, and the experience of other friends who worked at Wal-mart, it is very hard to get a new job after (or while still at) Wal-mart, most people look down on them as a company. I think many employers think that a former Wal-mart might be some kind of creepy, mentally unstable type of person. Most of my friends and family have told me to stay there and then try to collect unemployment if they fire me. I'm worried they will try to make it look like it is my fault for having bad attendance, and I won't get unemployment. What's worse...other companies might see it as really pathetic that  I was fired from Wal-mart. Thanks to anyone who reads this, I really appreciate any advice.

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This is jumbled, I am sorry, bear with me!

Nov. 14th, 2009 | 12:23 am
posted by: majesticmedusa in advice_source

21, Female

I have a bit of a life in general problem right now. This problem has actually been occurring since I was about 11, and I just am not sure what kinds of things I should do to fix it. My problem is self-imposed, nobody is at fault but me. I suppose that is the most difficult thing about it.

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(no subject)

Sep. 5th, 2009 | 01:29 am
posted by: ghettobird in advice_source

20 male

A couple years ago I had a friend (male, mid 20s) who lied through his teeth to gain my trust and sympathy, etc. I was extremely hurt when I started to pull apart his lies and realize how much of his perfectly nice personality was an act. Our friendship slowly faded as I lost interest in having one and I departed for college and so forth. Now... coming on three years later or so... he's trying to get in touch and bring back what we had. I have nothing against conversing with him online from time to time... but I'm not interested in calling him up or seeing him when I'm in my home area. I really don't want to bring up old garbage and have never actually confronted him about all the things I discovered were lies. I don't want to be mean to him... I just don't want to be his friend either. What do I do now that he's obviously trying to become friends again?

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(no subject)

Aug. 30th, 2009 | 11:12 am
posted by: karra in advice_source

I am 30 years old, and I am posting this for advice or help about paying seriously past due rent. I wanted to try my local resources before asking for help. I have tried my very best to find outside assistance and assistance from my family, but unfortunately the help is just not there.


cut for lengthCollapse )

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does anyone know about paypal?

Aug. 28th, 2009 | 07:38 am
posted by: xscene_laura in advice_source

does anyone know what kind of fees paypal charges ive treid their site and ive been to help center i just cannot understand. can someone explain it to me preferably someone that uses paypal to buy things. cause i have a CHECKING ACCOUNT and alot of the online stores only accept paypal(not just my card) and i dont know what kind of things paypal is going to charge to my account. like i asked yahoo answers and someone told me that when u first sign up it charges a small amount but they didnt say what the ammount it. i dont want it to like overdrawr right now i have barely anything in it thats why i havent signed up yet. and i cant figure out if each time i use paypal to make a purchase does it cost more than the actual purchase? does anyone know the specifics im totally lost with what paypal is (done the website dont understand it)
i read something about how it takes money out of your bank acount and into you paypal account see i dont get that. anyone know about paypal

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(no subject)

Aug. 10th, 2009 | 03:26 am
posted by: majesticmedusa in advice_source

I'll do a cut just in case :)Collapse )

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Boyfriend of 2-1/2 Years Lying About and Hiding Messages to His Ex... Advice???

Aug. 3rd, 2009 | 10:03 am
posted by: darkangel_5238 in advice_source

Posted under cut for length....Collapse )Posted under cut for length....Collapse )

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The boyfriend or the family? HELP!

Jul. 21st, 2009 | 01:16 am
location: Apartment
mood: confusedconfused
music: All Around Me-Flyleaf
posted by: irishjewel413 in advice_source

I'm a 23 year old female.  I need advice more than I ever have in my entire life.  I also want to add that this all started and finished in a period of 6 months. 

I met a guy and I fell in love with him right away.  It was one of those whirlwind things, crazy but practically perfect at the same time.  I moved in with him maybe a month later and then we moved to a new apartment together.  Things were ok, and then he seemed different.  He lost weight, was always jittery and running in and out of the house.  He would be gone till like midnight every day.  I thought it was a little off but didnt think too much of it. 

Then I got pregnant, but it wasn't a shocker.  We sorta were planning it.  It was an irresponsible decision though because I was out of work and he didn't have a job due to not being able to work because he gets assistance from the government because he has bipolar disorder.  It gives him the perk of having Section 8 housing (practically free rent at places that take section 8).  He gets enough money though to pay the bills.  What made me mad though was I could never figure out why in the end we wouldn't even have a dollar.  I mean ok yeah you aren't working, but you're getting all this government support with rent being practically free and bills being low.  Now when you can't even have enough money to buy some groceries and put gas in the car, that's just messed up.  I didn't know how all this government assistance stuff worked so I figured this is just how it was.  I was VERY wrong. 

I also should've known something was up when my bf's friends who I knew did drugs came around a lot and would even sleep over sometimes.  I feel like such an idiot, like how could I not have known he was on drugs?  How could I not have realized all the money we should've had was going to drugs?  I am naive and very trusting and I haven't touched or seen what a drug even looks like in my life.  My bf got caught in the end begging for money at a rest area all high and drugged out.  The cops were called and that's when I found out.  A detective questioned me and all I could do was cry and say I didn't know, because that was the truth! 

So here I am, jobless, pregnant, and so very alone.  I had to do something I did not want to ever do.  I already was in love with my baby but I had to let it go...I had an abortion.  There were a lot of reasons why I did it, it wasn't just because my boyfriend was locked up.  I have a seizure disorder which could cause my baby to come out with all these medical problems and I had no medical insurance whatsoever.  I had nowhere to live and my parents would not help me.  And I couldn't get a job, I was so so sick all the time, I'd never be able to keep it.  I made tons of irresponsible decisions all because I was blinded by love.  And also I need to add..if you are against abortion please don't judge me, everyone has their opinion, I only ask for you to listen and give advice, not judge. 

So basically here is why I'm here.  My parents have made it very clear that if I ever see or speak to my bf again I can lose their numbers and receive no help from them ever again.  But I love my bf still, and even though I am furious with him for lying to me I also want to help him get better.  Not only has he become an addict, he also has bipolar disorder, he is sick. 

Everyone is telling me I'd be a fool to stay with him and I need to move on with my life.  That's probably the right decision, but I still love him!  I mean I was going to have a baby with him and marry him!  I never got to that point or wanted to get to that point with anyone else.  Now my choice is forget him and do what my family wants, or stay with him and take my chances, or the one that is looking good right now, lie to my family and still see him behind their backs.  I'm so confused and scared and upset about it all. 

I wish I knew what to do.  I have no friends to even talk to about this, I only had him.  Now I have no one.  Please I beg you please comment and give me advice.  Please!

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